A Special Greeting Card

This world's advertisements present an intriguing insight into the human condition. Some are brilliant. They apply humor, a knowledge of consumers, and artistic talents to create a miniature masterpiece of persuasion. Meanwhile others stray so far from the advertiser's agenda that they actually drive customers away. I doubt I'm the only one who gets perverse pleasure out of ads that basically say, "this business is stupid."

Several cases:
- There is a lovely women's boutique for plus sized women, the "Fashion Barn." Come on, all you heifers -- get in here and buy some damn clothes.

- My local cable provider has an ongoing ad campaign that features one of their off-duty employees going about her daily life. Her neighbor says hello, and she responds like an automaton, "How can I help you with that?" Later, the school crossing guard mentions picking up her children, she says, "It's scheduled for today." Our employees are such tards, they have the social skills of a goat.

- I don't think I've ever seen an ad for America Online that makes their users look anything except ridiculously naive. I love the ones that show their users with blank looks downloading viruses. Our users are so dumb that they wear bullseyes -- @aol.com.

This is the trump. I received a very special greeting card today. When I opened my sanitary pad, there in the center on crisp, dainty parchment, was a note: "Have a Happy Period. Always." Now while this time of the month is certainly a momentous occasion (not to mention an experience that would make any dragon reconsider their preconceptions about human fortitude), I never expected that others would want to mark this event.

I'm certain that by now I've totally lost the few menfolk who follow this long-neglected rant space, but my feminine readers will certainly relate. I'm *not* happy. I'm fairly certain that most beings who cross my path are not happy, either. In fact, I cannot fathom EVER having "a happy period."

While I admire the ingenuity of the card designer in finding such a unique place to advertise, I think this is a bust. Somewhere there's an asshole sitting in a posh office making fun of my monthly plight. It's like there's a cyclic murder occurring up in here. Happy? No, more like homicidal. After I get through ripping all of these cute little "greeting cards" to shreds, perhaps I'll search about for a tasty ad executive.