Friday, April 15, 2005

Sleepless in Dallas

For those of you who live a life deprived of unstable emotions, I issue you fair warning. Those of us suffering from bipolar disorder are hiding among you. Bi-polar, Bi GOD! The evil chemical consort that takes rational, sane humans and turns them into sleep-deprived raging demons. This is menopause times a thousand. In my younger days I used to welcome this demon companion. On manic days I could write 10 chapters, do all my Christmas shopping in a single day or clean the entire garage before sunset. Nowadays, I just welcome elusive sleep.

A few tips for bi-polar sufferers and those who cross our paths:

1. Hallucinations
After about three days of sleep deprivation, you start to see things that aren't there. Hallucinations are a form of sleep (at least some part of your mind is offline), so just enjoy the trip.

2. Fuck Ny-tol
AKA Benedryl, this crap only knocks you out in daylight hours, particularly if you take it for allergy symptoms. Go straight for a bottle of Jack. Skip the Coke. Repeat as necessary.

3. Do not disturb
Steal a hotel "Do Not Disturb" door hanger. Alter it to say, "Do not disturb...disturbed already." Draw a picture of the real you anyone who ventures through the door is likely to encounter. For real effect, insert a photo.

4. Snoring roommates
Sharp objects come to mind.

5. Cats
Bi-polar people should NOT own cats. When it's difficult enough to get to sleep, you shouldn't have to fight for bed space with five or six furry bedhogs who insist on sleeping perpendicular to each other just to be pissy.

6. Terminal Exhaustion
Yes, you can die from sleeplessness. Push my buttons at your own risk.

Exhausted and sleepless in Dallas,



Blogger Ari said...

Oops, I'm not bipolar and I sometimes still do this: Go straight for a bottle of Jack. Skip the Coke. Repeat as necessary.

Think that's medically ok?

9:52 PM  
Blogger Tiamat said...

I'm certain it's advisable -- for the health of those around us.

7:25 AM  
Blogger Azathoth said...

Well, I've known a few Bi-Polar people. Myself, I'm just prone to occasional Insomnia which can last 2-4 days. I've developed a fondness for late night infomercials and thick books. I used to do JD back in collage, but find it's too expensive for me to drink the amount it takes to knock me out each night. I've found that long periods of crazy monkey sex can do the trick, but my Demon is far away so it's not avaliable to me right now. So I just deal with the watching of the stars now. It sucks. Hope you get some sleep soon.

7:31 AM  
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